Classic Dorky Mascot Pullover Hoodie

This is the official Dork-skin for 2026. It’s got the pig on the front so people know you’re part of the hive mind, and it’s got the name on the back just in case you forget where you spent your last $20.

The Specs:

• 50% Cotton / 50% Poly: Half-and-half, just like my desire to keep doing this vs. my desire to go live in the woods.

• Established 2013: A reminder of how long I’ve been smelling like hickory and regret.

• Double-lined hood: Perfect for pulling tight when you see someone you know in the Ashland Walmart and you’re not mentally prepared for a 20-minute conversation about smoked mullet.

• Roomy Kangaroo Pocket: Fits three Porkaroniritos or one medium-sized kitten. Use responsibly.

It’s subtle, it’s silly, and it’s better copy than ChatGPT could do because I actually felt a slight twinge of emotion while typing this.

Get one now!